Rodent humor
I was reading The Diamondback earlier today and I came across a section in an article on the campus squirrel problem that was so funny it had me laughing out loud. Here it is:
Junior Larry Walker recalled an incident involving a run-in with the fluffy-tailed mammals in fall 2005 outside his Harford dorm room: “We put our trash put outside of our dorm and the squirrels were able to smell the food through the trash container.”
“We were like ‘Hell no we’re not going to let no squirrels eat through our trash can,’” Walker continued. “The squirrel was just chillin on top of the trash can eating a pizza, and that’s when we maced it. I don’t know what it sounds like when squirrels cry, but it didn’t sound too good. He ran away the best he could without being able to see.”
“I’ll never mace a squirrel again,” he said.
That is some class A journalism right there. I don’t know if the writer was going for the humor angle or what, but he definitely succeeded. The visual of a crying maced squirrel running blindly away, bumping into trees, is too much for my mind to handle without making me elicit involuntary snickers.
Squirrels are somewhat of a fascination on the Maryland campus. We have a Facebook group called “Squirrel Watchers” with over a thousand members. The squirrels around here are really weird and interesting to watch. Some of them are very brazen. I remember seeing a squirrel jump down out of a tree onto a chest-height wooden post right in front of a group of three girls who were walking back from classes. They screamed and jumped back a few feet, while the squirrel just sat non-chalantly, perched on the post.
Also, during mating season, squirrels chase each other around with reckless abandon. I’ve seen them run in front of cars, into people, right off of trees, etc. Horny squirrels, apparently, are crazy.
March 1st, 2007 at 16:28
This is especially humorous for me, coming from an area where one cannot get within 50 feet of a squirrel without it skittering away in fear. It is still funny for me to imagine being able to walk right up to a squirrel. If I so desired, I could catch one literally by beating it with a stick. At least we know there are no starving people in College Park, right?
March 1st, 2007 at 16:33
s/catch/kill/
I don’t think you can “catch” a squirrel by beating it to a pulp …