Get Zwinky! (Or not)
I can’t help but remark on this recent massive television advertising campaign for Zwinky. At first I just saw the Zwinky ads on the G4 Network, a gaming network targeted heavily at male nerds. The ad campaign on that network seemed to be a bit of a misfire, because the ad itself is targeted almost exclusively at young girls. But then I saw the ad run on a major network, and realized this wasn’t just one of those weird, very niche commercials that are frequently seen on G4. This is a massive, million dollar, cross-spectrum television advertising campaign. I guess the company behind Zwinky got a nice chunk of change from venture capitalists and got on the express track to seeing their service widely used. But what is Zwinky?
Zwinky is an incentive thrown on top of the MyWebSearch browser toolbar, available for both Mozilla Firefox and Internet Explorer. Zwinky itself is pretty benign: it appears to be an avatar-based chat client (as if that was original). It’s a combination browser plugin and desktop application (the instant messenging part). To get Zwinky working, you need this MyWebSearch toolbar. And that’s where things get hairy.
The MyWebSearch toolbar is exactly what you think an annoying search toolbar would be. It has a search box for Ask.com, and which makes the company a nice amount of affiliate search revenue. It has a “search assistant” that “provides relevant links and results when you make a search request in your browser address bar or if your browser address (DNS) request is invalid, misspelled or incorrectly formatted.” In other words, it does exactly what VeriSign did that got it into a whole heap of trouble: it puts ads on domain names that can’t be found in place of the standard error message.
The Zwinky client has ads in it too, just in case everything else wasn’t already advertising-filled. The toolbar suffers from a glut of unnecessary tacked-on features that clearly didn’t take much effort to implement but are being advertised as big features. These include: screensavers, desktop backgrounds, custom cursors, smiley emoticons, e-cards, pop-up blocker, history zapper, photo archive, and more. In other words, it tries to do everything (though not very well), and then it puts advertising on everything as its revenue stream.
So, my final take on Zwinky is: don’t bother. It’s just yet another poorly put together browser toolbar full of advertising. I don’t know if it could really be called spyware or malware, but it’s not bonware, that’s for sure. If all you want is instant messaging capability, stick with something like Pidgin, which works with all of the existing major IM networks (AOL, MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, Jabber, etc.). It’s really annoying having to bug your friends to go download and install yet another annoying program just so they can chat with you. And if it’s the virtual chat aspect that you like, you’d be much better served by going with Second Life, which is superior in every regard. A large advertising budget can’t salvage crappy, unnecessary software like Zwinky and its tag-along MyWebSearch toolbar. And honestly, if that incredibly juvenile and annoying ad they’re running attracts you, you deserve what you’re getting.
Update December 3, 2007: See my more recent post on Zwinky.
July 8th, 2007 at 14:41
i wan’t to download zwinky but I do not know how
August 3rd, 2007 at 08:41
Dear whoever runs this company
I am writing to complain that i downloaded the zwinky manual instaler but its not working but i dont no if its something to do with my computer or not,please email me back and see that the problem is resolved.
August 18th, 2007 at 18:12
zwinky sucks
August 22nd, 2007 at 17:29
my fucken zwinky is not run do something for me plase
August 23rd, 2007 at 22:25
I don’t do anything for you, because if you read my blog post at all, you’d see that Zwinky is evil and you absolutely should not be trying to run it. It not working is a good thing.
August 24th, 2007 at 20:12
I always look at it as adware
September 9th, 2007 at 21:04
i bet it will be fun
September 19th, 2007 at 23:24
It won’t let me download zwinky desktop? If you know another way PLEASE let me know!
myspace.com/ldog6
September 20th, 2007 at 20:05
It’s really sad that nobody appears to have actually read my blog post. Why in the world would you want to download Zwinky after all of the bad things I said about it? It’s utter crapware. You’ll have much more fun with something like Second Life.
September 22nd, 2007 at 09:03
Hilarious how those 10 year olds see something with the word Zwinky on it and start asking for technical help about it.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:30
My favorite of these is:
“Dear whoever runs this company
I am writing to complain that i downloaded the zwinky manual instaler but its not working but i dont no if its something to do with my computer or not,please email me back and see that the problem is resolved.”
So would these responses be ironic, given the last sentence of your post?
How do you do those little block quote things?
October 11th, 2007 at 18:56
zwinky sucks because it wont let me back on to it just because the retared toolbar isn’t showing the zwinky symbal.
October 11th, 2007 at 22:13
Like this? It’s literally the first thing you would think of. <blockquote>
October 12th, 2007 at 16:41
Well, that *does* make sense, but I didn’t want to put random tags in the comments to try and find out what it is. Though I probably could have checked the WordPress docs, I didn’t think to. I think an RTFM might be proper here…
November 4th, 2007 at 18:51
i hate when you have to download something because my mom and dad will not allow me to so it really bugs me that i have to do that and i really want a zwinky
November 23rd, 2007 at 15:59
Ok i am angel_baby258 on zwinky and i reached 2,000 zchevments on today i had to shut my computer down because it was slow when i turned it back on everything was erased!!!!!!! i am so mad i made it and got everything unlocked and eveything was erased!!!!!!!!!somthing better happen to bring it all back!
December 4th, 2007 at 02:25
omg i got suspended from zwinky for saying gangsta!!! this zwinky shit sux!!
December 20th, 2007 at 19:06
Point taken, Cyde Weys, Zwinky is horrible.
I guess people think that because of your title it’s all about how “Great” this Zwinky thing is.
It’s pathetic to see what this site has done.
It has given viruses and automatically downloads programs no one asked for in the first place.
It’s Gay People, Open your eyes.
December 22nd, 2007 at 18:39
it wont let me downlaod zwinky. i just got this new laptop and i hate it on my old one but it wont let me dowonlod it.. and hey zwinky is realli cool
December 22nd, 2007 at 18:43
i am dreamsforthedead on zwinky and i have a code to unlock ur wardrobe early press and hole the crtl and n bottomz duh.. and im mad cuz i want my zwinky bak and it wont let me downlaod it is there another way to get it????? please help me.
December 24th, 2007 at 19:33
hello im dh116. i have a zwinkys. and i dint really know how bad it waz until i got it!!nw when i go into it i can not see m zwinky selfe it wont let me do anything it is very CHESEY! But you can have REALLY good friends on it that you dont want to loss if u unistale it. that is a y i think ill keep it. :) i hope it starts o woek again soon tho!
December 26th, 2007 at 11:08
this thing is not working every time i click install i keeps sating try again sombody help me zwinky is going to make me brake my computer to thusands of pieaces
December 27th, 2007 at 21:39
you suck i dont now how to work it please help me
December 27th, 2007 at 21:58
If you actually want help, it’s probably best not to start off with “You suck”.
Anyway, I’ve been getting a kick out of the general unintelligibility of these comments so far. It really says a lot about the Zwinky playerbase (but unfortunately, it doesn’t bode so well for the future of humanity). Do they not teach spelling and grammar in school anymore?
February 4th, 2008 at 16:45
ayo!!!im brandon!!! it’s funny to read this crap but yea… i have a zwinky and they are actually pretty cool. uhm yea… i want to know how to either re-install zwinky or someone plzz help me, b/c i have everything downloaded and shyt but when i click find chat… it just keeps loading and loading… plzz if u know something HELP ME!!!
-bran-
February 4th, 2008 at 20:27
New Rule
All comments must observe proper written English punctuation, spelling, grammar, capitalization, and proper style. All offending comments will be subject to immediate disemvowelment at my sole discretion. I don’t know if it’s all the lessons on creationism or sex with teachers, but it seems like they’re not teaching kids writing anymore in schools?!
February 6th, 2008 at 19:19
Nobody usually cares whether or not you spelled all of your words, or punctuated or sentences correcly, but just to make you feel better, I’ll try my best. Zwinky really does suck compared to Second Life, but since Second Life doesn’t work onmy computer, I decided to go with this instead. There seem to be lots of cheats for infinite money and stuff like that for Zwinky, but so far none of them have worked. If you find any way to unlock the clothes in your wardrobe or get infinite money or anything like that, please post it.
P.S. Cyde Weys, I don’t think your last scentence counts as a question, so why is there a question mark?
February 6th, 2008 at 19:24
Sorry about the few errors in my last post. I don’t type everything I write into Microsft Word before I post it in order to check for typos.
February 6th, 2008 at 19:56
Kyle, thank you so much for making an effort to improve your written English. It makes a huge difference. When you say “Nobody usually cares,” it’s clear that the crowds you and I hang with are rather different. Everyone I know does care. It’s mentally painful to read improper writing. And you don’t need to use Microsoft Word for spell-checking; Mozilla Firefox has a spell-checker built right in, and it’s better than Internet Explorer in many other areas anyway.
As for the supposed cheats: Zwinky is an online advertising platform. The purpose of the “game” is to keep you entertained while they feed ads to you. Thus, they make earning every little thing take as long as they can get away with, so they have your eyes for as long as possible. There’s no reason they would program something into the game allowing you to bypass the long advertising-laden treadmill they call gameplay. In all likelihood, there aren’t any cheats for the game, as it would be counter-productive to their purposes if they did exist. Naturally, rumors of such will spread amongst the young and naive users of the game, but you need to separate reality from wishfulness.
As for the question mark followed by the exclamation point, that is a web-convenient way of writing an interrobang, a character not commonly found on standard keyboards but useful nonetheless. The interrobang is used to express the forcefulness of an exclamation simultaneously with the inquisitiveness of a question mark. In my case, it was a rhetorical question, but still, a question nonetheless.
So, in short, don’t try to argue my punctuation :)
February 12th, 2008 at 14:13
I would just like to inform all of you that zwinky is a virus! once you have downloded it on your computer it will make it so much slower! So my advice to you is do not downlod zwinky it is a virus!
thank you ♥
February 12th, 2008 at 15:28
Well technically it’s not a virus. Calling something a virus entails many specific attributes that Zwinky lacks (not the least of which is being designed to replicate). However, Zwinky does meet several of the qualifications of being malware, which is what I suspect you meant to say.
February 17th, 2008 at 09:57
I THINK ZWINKY IS OK N ALL BUT ITS AWESOME N FUN SO GET OVER IT AUSE U GUYS R LAME F U ……MALLORY WAS HERE
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:33
SOME ONE CHANGED MY PASSWORD AND
IT WONT LET ME MAKE A NEW ONE IT
SUCKS.
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:50
SWEET CHRIST WE’RE GETTING OVERRUN BY CAPS LOCK STUPIDITY.
February 23rd, 2008 at 20:23
OMG I GOT SUSPEDEDE IM SO MADE EVERY ONE IS QIUITING ZWINKY BECUZ OF THEY KEEP SUSPENED PEOPLE 4 NO FUCKIN RESON AT ALL AND I DO NOT THINK THATS FAIR
February 24th, 2008 at 04:50
I stumbled across this discussion by accident, but I am so pleased that I did. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. I love watching worlds collide. (But I also teach writing, so reading some of these comments causes me physical pain. And, yeah, spelling and punctuation do matter. ) I might even check back for updates.
February 24th, 2008 at 10:25
May I ask how you stumbled across this cesspool? I know how all of the kiddies are finding this (Zwinky Google searches), but how about the reasonable people who aren’t explicitly searching for Zwinky stuff?
And yeah, it’s funny, in the way that if you aren’t laughing you’re crying.
February 25th, 2008 at 10:49
Somebody linked to your blog on Slashdot in reference to the Pakistan YouTube thing. Quite frankly, although this thread has been incredibly amusing, as stated by Michelle, I have a distinct impression that some trolls are posting AOL-speak deliberately.
February 25th, 2008 at 11:17
How would non-Zwinkybots be finding this blog post though? It’s not as if rational adults go searching for Zwinky online. I fear that the vast majority of them really are legitimate.
February 26th, 2008 at 02:07
Actually, to say that I “stumbled” here is a bit misleading. I’ll ‘fess up. Here’s how it happened.
I kept seeing ads for Zwinky when I was playing Facebook scrabble. Then (here’s the embarrassing part), I thought, why not check it out? Those big-eyed girls are kinda cool. (You’ve got to understand that I’m writing a thesis, so any form of procrastination is appealing at the moment. That’s why I’m back here today, writing this explanation which is rapidly turning into a defence, which — now that I think about it — pretty much describes my thesis progress at the moment. Anyway.) So I went to the Zwinky site, actually read the terms and conditions (I’m weird like that), and thought, hell no, that’s crap.
And then, because I was still procrastinating, I typed “Zwinky crap” into Google. That’s how I got here.
February 26th, 2008 at 11:03
Awesome story. I guess I can understand how one might think Zwinky is neat at first glance — of course, 99.9% of the people captured by its advertising campaign wouldn’t read the ToS before signing up, so you’re pretty unique in that regard. Neat that this site ranks so highly on Google for “Zwinky crap”. I guess this is a good place to visit when you’re searching for verification that Zwinky is crap. The comments alone will do it, if nothing else.
And hey, if you still need a little bit more procrastination, why not check this out? Because theses can always be put off for one more day.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:02
I love zwinky game please show me
March 1st, 2008 at 12:02
Uh … show you what?
And for the damned last time, the URL is optional! If you don’t actually have a URL, don’t make something up to put into the field!
March 2nd, 2008 at 20:09
heh! this is great. it’s so funny i’m almost tempted to think (hope? hmm… prey?) the posts are a fix… thanks for existing and musing Mr Ways. like Michelle i shall pop back to check for updates. c’mon kidz! (sp jape) you cant make this stuff up, keep it coming!
March 2nd, 2008 at 21:56
Shhh, don’t let them know that we’re onto them. Anymore than we already have, anyway.
March 8th, 2008 at 16:13
zwinky cool but miss cyde weys want 2 now y people r quiting zwinky cuz its boring dam and there r no cheats so i just want 2 say fuck u bitch hoe fuc uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
March 8th, 2008 at 16:15
DOES SOME 1 GOT 2 SAY SOMTHING A BOUT ZWINKY THAT THEY FUCKIN HATE!
March 8th, 2008 at 17:18
… wow. I’m speechless. It’s like they aren’t reading any of the comments in which we’re making fun of them for their terrible writing skills, even though it’s on the same page.
A post about Zwinky with a comment form is the ultimate honeypot for kids.
March 10th, 2008 at 01:08
These can’t be for real anymore…
March 10th, 2008 at 09:03
You’d be surprised. I’ve done some observing of these kinds of people in their native habitat (some of the top forums on the web, such as the one for Gaia Online), and they really are like this.
March 10th, 2008 at 16:50
Hey, I actually used Gaia for a considerable period of time. They had a board called “Extended Discussion” that used to have some thought-provoking stuff. One of the board rules was that all posts had to at least be coherent, with repeated violations earning a ban from mods, I think. Anyway, ED (the board, not the disease) was pretty cool, but I left Gaia for other reasons a few years ago and I understand that it’s now about as bad as the main forums were, and the main forums have just gotten that much worse.
How many comments have you delete from this page, I wonder?
March 10th, 2008 at 19:50
I haven’t deleted any comments from this page. I want it to be as unfiltered an experience as possible.
March 11th, 2008 at 19:52
o shut the hell up hoes!
March 11th, 2008 at 19:55
im just kidding i really hete all of u u guys r dumb and people who got chilren they will get raped by me ha ha !
March 11th, 2008 at 19:56
and this is true i do it 2 kids alll the time
March 11th, 2008 at 19:57
i now i im a hoe lol
March 11th, 2008 at 19:57
monica i totally agree whith u
March 11th, 2008 at 20:52
Huh, it looks like they’re trying to get me to have to moderate comments now. The preceding four comments were not mine. I had to go back and modify the name so it wouldn’t be confusing. Anyway, this loser is posting from the IP address 68.58.111.86, which pegs them as a Comcast Cable customer out of Indianapolis, Indiana. It’s the same person responsible for the “monica” comments above.
Hey kid, you’re not representing your state very well.
March 13th, 2008 at 17:08
uh o
March 13th, 2008 at 17:09
uh o this is not goood
March 13th, 2008 at 17:14
2 tell yalll all the truth im a 10 year old girl i dont work for cable im in eleermintry how ever u spell that and im srry my momm and dadd made me say srry but i really am srry i waz born in 1997 may 20th and miss cyde weys canu please not call me a loser and yes i do live in indiana
March 13th, 2008 at 17:15
i just hate when people treat me this way srry.
March 13th, 2008 at 17:18
and mizz cyde weys how did u now all alll that some day im gonna be like u o yea sorry again
March 13th, 2008 at 19:30
Boy, this comments section has become the cerebral equivalent of trying to get a scene in the tv show “Jackass”, if you ask me.
This reminds me of the now-gone Dysfunctional Family Circus. (There’s a Wikipedia article about it, if you’ve never heard about it.) Galcik, who ran the site, would not only select the best of the captions, but occasionally would select some choice examples from the reject pile — until one day someone let slip that the regulars were writing captions for the reject pile.
And yes, I did get some of my proposed captions accepted. I’ll leave it to the curious to figure out which ones they were.
Geoff
March 13th, 2008 at 20:48
Monica, my advice would be to sit down and think carefully about everything you have to say, write it up in one coherent comment, take five minutes editing and making sure you didn’t forget anything, and then post it once. I can’t really think of any reason why you would need to leave four separate blog comments in the span of 9 minutes while no one else has even responded.
March 15th, 2008 at 15:36
fock u!!!!!!
March 15th, 2008 at 15:36
yall stupid bitches
March 15th, 2008 at 16:55
Wow, I have no possible retort to this latest blistering round of attack. You win, Franceska. You win it all.
March 17th, 2008 at 08:02
It’s times like these that I like to thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet.
March 18th, 2008 at 00:54
I’ve never seen the name “Francesca” spelled like that before.
I sometimes wonder how often people end up with oddly-spelled names due to misspelling and how many are due to people trying to be original.
March 22nd, 2008 at 18:20
I totally LOVE ZWINKY!!! I dont understand why u guys HATE it and in my opinion IT RULES!!! so shut the flip u bcuz u guyz dont noe kewl from drool, an din case ur wondering I AM A FAMOUS FUTURE ACTRESS 4 reals.
March 22nd, 2008 at 18:39
Amazing! You managed to misspell about as many words as you spelled correctly. Here in the mature world, we call that “failure”.
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:48
I like the idea of a “famous future actress”. More so, as it’s 4 reals.
March 23rd, 2008 at 16:41
Is 4 reals anything like five nines?
March 23rd, 2008 at 21:11
When I first read that, I was expecting a joke about floats, actually. “five floats”, for example, though I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real as a datatype.
I don’t get “five nines”.
March 23rd, 2008 at 21:22
“Five nines” is a reference to reliability standards. Five nines is thus 99.999% uptime. It’s the gold standard in the hosting industry, for example.
And I guess you haven’t seen enough programming languages, because real is definitely a data type in some of them. It’s just another way of saying float.
March 24th, 2008 at 02:09
Well, I’ve heard of it before, but I couldn’t think of an example in code, so I figured I was getting it mixed up with something else.
March 29th, 2008 at 15:51
why cant i get on zwinky if its blocked
March 29th, 2008 at 15:55
i love it
March 30th, 2008 at 16:43
zwinky is fun as long as its not screwing you in the ass…
April 8th, 2008 at 09:22
the cheats for da wardrobe it does not work 4 me…help me!!!
April 8th, 2008 at 09:25
the cheats for da wardrobe it does not even work 4 me..i nid ur help!!!
April 12th, 2008 at 08:14
i have zwinky and when i want to change my wardrobe
has a syntax error and cant change now what should i do and evrytime i sign in zwinky it has a syntax error also so please email me back so i know how to fix it……
April 12th, 2008 at 08:18
zwinky rocks!!!! but im having a big problem wth it so please help me ASAP when i want to change my wardrobe has a syntax error and cant change now what should i do and evrytime i sign in zwinky it has a syntax error also so please email me back so i know how to fix it……
April 13th, 2008 at 00:45
lolcats says: “U can has sntax errz!”
April 18th, 2008 at 06:26
I am a member of zwinky once I downloaded it but now i don’t know how did I do that i wish i could know how
April 18th, 2008 at 10:29
andrei: That didn’t make any sense at all. Care to try again using proper English and punctuation? We can’t help you if we can’t understand you.
April 19th, 2008 at 01:49
I think he forgot how he downloaded it, or lost the file. Or something similar.
April 19th, 2008 at 12:35
I think he forgot how to write, that’s what he forgot :-P
May 12th, 2008 at 21:29
my account wos erased and im not happy i wont to know how to get my account back plz tell me i wont to get back to my account!
May 12th, 2008 at 21:31
ya i wont to know how to open ur wardrobe with out geting zchievments…..
May 15th, 2008 at 04:56
I wonder if the next Xbox will have Zchievments instead of achievements. I can totally see that as being an effective marketing… thing.
June 15th, 2008 at 09:12
zwinky sucks.
June 18th, 2008 at 03:25
how do i reinstall zwinky
June 18th, 2008 at 13:45
Eric: I would recommend going into the Add/Remove Programs dialog inside your Control Panel, select Zwinky, and Uninstall it. That’s it.
Why would you want to re-infect your computer with that crap afterwards?
June 28th, 2008 at 21:16
Dear Cyde weys dont you have anything better to do then to cridisize ppl?i find it very rude that you tell ppl that zwinky sucks.i happen to like zwinky an all the things it holds. me h8 you. and i bet you h8 me too.
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June 28th, 2008 at 21:18
ello
July 4th, 2008 at 07:37
Oh god, wow, I finally understand the concept of laughing until I cry.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:56
Jack: And the sad thing is, it just keeps going. Most of them don’t even bother to read the comments in front of theirs. If so, they’d see that they were getting made fun of for exactly the thing they were about to do.