I can has personal submarine?

Yeesh, this news story about the ultra-rich buying personal submarines really tugs at the old heart strings. Color me green with envy. See, these are the reasons I want to be rich: not because I like money for money’s sake, but because I want to have really cool things, like my own personal submarine. Ideally I’d want my own spaceship, of course, but those aren’t going to be around for awhile longer, so a private submarine will have to do.

The article says that over a hundred private submarines are cruising the world’s oceans, frequently getting into trouble as they slip into ports unannounced. How awesome is that? Talk about truly living outside the law. There’s absolutely no way to keep track of what these super wealthy are doing at 1,000 feet deep in the middle of the ocean. For all we know, there’s an annual rich people’s convention in the depths of the ocean where the most sordid, highly illegal, and unspeakable acts take place, but nobody will ever know about it because they have the affluence to buy independence from government. Forget about acquiring an island and trying to declare it an independent micronation; owning your own submarine is a much more pragmatic solution to getting around annoying governments.

In addition to independence, though, the simple idea of traveling in a submarine appeals to me. I already really enjoy boating, bother powerboating and sailing, and wish I could do a lot more of both (unfortunately I own no boats). The ocean, covering most of the Earth but experienced by so few these days, really appeals to me. And having a submarine adds another dimension to possible journeys on the sea. You can do all the same things as in a large yacht while surfaced, but then you can also explore the depths of the coastal shelves in complete isolation. As I said, color me envious.

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